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Von: Satanic blood angel

14/09/10 || Khlysty

Let me abso-fucking-lutely clear about coupla things: I don’t mind old and I don’t mind lo-fi. A lot of the records that I hold dear in the darkest deeps of my heart are old and lo-fi (Motörhead’s first record, Godflesh’s “Streetcleaner”, “Morbid Tales”, Bathory’s “The Return”, etc) and I don’t give a flying fuck about how they sound. Also, even though English is not my native language, I can say that I grasp fairly well the meaning of the term “seminal band”, which is used to describe a band that had some great ideas but not the means or the capability to fully flesh them out and that other bastards take these ideas and expand upon them and get all the dough and all the bitches.

So, taking these things into mind, you should believe me when I say that I was ready to break my head for the price I’d paid to acquire VON’s collected recorded output, when I listened to the shit that came outta the speakers of my stereo. Okay, let me backtrack a bit, to clarify things. VON was/is an American band from Frisco which is supposed to be one of the very first black metal bands in the U.S. VON existed from 1989 to 1992, they recorded two demos (the 1992 “Satanic Blood” thingy and the 1993 “Blood Angel” whachammacallit), they played some gigs and then they disbanded. Afterwards, a lot of the great unwashed started to give the band almost mythical proportions, what with a certain douche wearing a VON t-shirt and shit like that.

Anyway, VON ended up being considered as the real godfathers of USBM, a statement which probably drove Weakling to split and created serious waves of hysteric laughter to every nook and cranny in Scandinavia. See, I don’t know if VON is the first USBM band; what I know is that their music is one of the most horrendous shit I’ve ever tortured my ears with. Yes, I know that these are demo recordings. But the fact of the matter is that this is pure, unadulterated shit. The drums are nigh-unlistenable, the guitars are just a buzzing headache buried deep under miles and miles of hiss and noise, and the vocals… Oh, my, the vocals!!!

The vocals are of the rabid-stuck-pig-grunts variety, reverbed to all fuck and back for a coupla times, but that’s not what drove me to hysterics. No, the cherry on top was nothing more than the spoken word intros of some of the songs, which obviously were supposed to be all EVOL and SCARY, what with words like “Satan”, “goat”, “blood” and “Newt Gingrich” cropping up ALL the time. I will only tell you this: hearing is believing and hearing is going to send you to uncontrollable, belly-busting laughter. As for the music, if you like one sloppy-played riff, based on three power chords, repeated for a coupla minutes, sounding like it was recorded in a soggy carton box with a tape recorder a mile away, and embellished with above-mentioned vocals, you’ll be in pig heaven. Me, I cannot even begin to tell you what a sucker I feel like for actually paying for this abomination. Now, let me go and listen to “Transilvanian Hunger”, as I’m in dire need of an aural enema… Bye and… ALL HAIL THE DARK LORD!!! (no, I ain’t talkin’ ‘bout Karl Rove…)

Just for the laugh potential…

Information
Released: 2003
Label: Nuclear War Now!
Website: none
Band
Goat: guitar, vocals
Kill: bass
Snake: drums

Tracklist
Disc 1 (Tracks 1-8 from “Satanic Blood” 1992 demo. Tracks 9-14 from unreleased “Blood Angel” 1993 demo)
01. Devil Pig
02. Veinen
03. Watain
04. Lamb
05. Veadtuck
06. Satanic blood
07. Christ fire
08. VON
09. Evisc
10. Release
11. Blood angel
12. Chalice of blood
13. Vennt
14. Backskin
Disc 2 (Live in San Francisco, 1991)
01. Veinen
02. Watain
03. Lamb
04. Evisc
05. Release
06. Satanic blood
07. Veadtuck
08. Chalice of blood
09. Goat christ
10. Vennt
11. Dissection inhuman
12. VON

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